How to Be Normal

I'm sure you've been wondering how I became such a normal, upstanding Troll in the eyes of my peers.

Easy. I suggest taking the following steps with a daily religious devotion:

1) Wake up.
2) Do not punch anything or anyone.
3) Eat breakfast with a utensil.
4) Walk, don't skip, to work or to vehicular transport to work.
5) If wearing fedora or dickie, remove fedora or dickie before entering place of employment.
6) Say "hello" or "good morning" to colleagues, not "hail and well met" or "you are still ugly."
7) Roller skates are for wearing on the feet, not for licking or hurling at superiors.
8) Swordfights okay ONLY during smoking breaks.
9) Smoking breaks occur five stories down, outside in the fresh winter air/spring thundershowers, on the train tracks three blocks away, and involve cigarettes, not memorial pyres.
10) Gelatin is included in the food pyramid. This status should be accepted, not grounds for the blunt-force unconsciousness of the cafeteria supervisor.
11) Wear pants mostly.
12) Making eye contact should in no way involve your thumb.

These twelve steps should enable you to make the smooth transition from awkward social outcast to normal, normal, normal, super normal creature.

It works for me.