Fear of Girls: FoG of IGN

Oh, jeez. I'm pretty sure this post title just summoned Cthulhu.

If not, enjoy the new Fear of Girls Channel at IGN.

If it did, uh, sorry for the apocalypse.

Scott Jorgenson Reigns Quietly Over Lap-Band Ad

I just caught one of my all-time favorite actors in the history of the galaxy last night at 2* in the morning on a commercial for Lap-Band adjustable gastric banding system.

In the brief, but moving, drama, Scott Jorgenson complains about his knees with Shakespearean acumen. It takes up about 2 or 3 seconds of screen time, but it haunts me still. Unfortunately, the good people at Lap-Band have only released their commercial at their proprietary site, so I'm unable to embed the performance here.

So go here and click on "View Our Commercial" to enjoy Mr. Jorgenson's riveting performance. Or to learn more about putting a remote-control tourniquet on your innards. Frankly, it sounds like a fun past time, but I don't think I'd like the side effect of wanting to eat less.

Scott Jorgenson: every man's everyman. Next up: Fear of Girls 3.

*This is my dilemma: I can sleep a full 3 hours every night, or I can strain arcane knowledge from the electronic underworld of the mid-night hours. How would you split the baby?

Scott Jorgenson Update: Lommel Breaks His Silence!

I don't know if you've seen the latest issue of People (I haven't, but I'm sure it is a cover story) but world-famous actor and faucet blogger Tom Lommel has finally called off his silent feud with Fear of Girls co-star Scott Jorgenson. This should allow for pre-production to go ahead on Fear of Girls 3. [working title: FoG3 - d20 Revolutions]

Whew.

Scott Jorgenson Strikes Back Again...and Begins

Since I've officially declared myself the world headquarters of all things Scott Jorgenson, I would be remiss if I did not make you (that, is, me) aware of the new release of Fear of Girls 2.

If you've somehow missed Fear of Girls 1, you a) need to start living under a rock and b) should watch that one first. Because 1 comes before 2, except for the occasional 8-section puzzle inversion.

The second one, sadly, lacks the element of Christian parody that I loved so much in the first, but it makes up for it with a bunch of socially inappropriate gender issues.

Charles Hubbell (who played Doug Doug's older brother in the first, and portrayed the believer) is sadly absent, but I guess that keeps him from splitting the screen with eye-candy Tom Lommel.

In fact, Tom semi-personally (that is, not at all personally) asked me to send the link to FoG2 to all my friends. I have none, so I'm instead sending them to myself, via this posting. You can thank me (you) later.

FoG1
FoG2
FoG Universe at YouTube

Scott Jorgenson Dominates Planet (Mine)

Scott Jorgenson has achieved world domination.

First, the guy co-stars in the 2nd* greatest short film in world history: "Fear of Girls"

In FoG, he played Raymond Ractburger, a lovelorn hardcore gamer. FoG also features my favorite representation of Christians on film. I know I'm supposed to be offended by their awkward, judgmental portrayal, but the fact is that if it wasn't for awkward, judgmental Christians who cared enough about the weird little atheist that I was to share the gospel with me, God knows where I might be today. No, literally, God knows, and I'm pretty sure He's wiping his brow in relief over the few who took his message seriously enough to try to beat me over the head with it.

Anyhow, back to the issue of infinitely greater import than my salvation: Scott Jorgenson's film career.

This guy has already achieved greatness. Raymond Ractburger, pining for his unwitting Leia...his Arwen...his Shakura!...Ractburger is an American everyman, iconic, the Tom Joad of the X Generation, if you will.

But yesterday...I witnessed the great Jorgenson achieving new heights. You probably don't know this (okay, yes you do, because you are "me") but I work in the telecommunications industry. One of my all-time favorite novels is Harry Newton's 973-page Telecom Dictionary. (Bonus: My favorite entry is the hotly debated "octathorpe" AKA octothorpe, octotherp, octothorp.)

I don't work for Qwest by any stretch of the imagination, but I love to see my industry strive for greatness, even it it is in the form of a competitor. Qwest did such a thing.

For their latest ad, they hired Jorgenson. He's hilarious in a silent role.

Good show, Qwest. Good show.

Now learn how to spell. Your company name reads like a breakfast cereal.

*The #1 Slot going, of course, to Tater, Tomater.