Making of Fear of Girls

Finally, at The Microscopic Life with Terry Pounds, a documentary that gets behind the scenes of the world-renowned Fear of Girls.

There is one question that isn't addressed in this otherwise stellar film: how can views be better measured in a web environment that has become more multi-channel? In 2005, a viral video on youtube was likely to be hit, viewed and measured on youtube, at one portal. In 2009, users proliferate copies and embed (often uncounted - the embed play counter of youtube leaves a lot to be desired) videos at a much higher rate so that a video's "virality" requires a more complex measurement.

Nevertheless, a fascinating study of the art, business and love of making great films. And it is so great to see Lommel and Jorgenson out of character and in regular joe movie star mode.

Fear of Girls 3: High Rollers

Doug and Raymond are finally back with their continued quest to avoid meaningful human contact.

And Church.

Happily, they fail.







Looks like their venture paid off in the veritable bonanza of gaming glory that is Mohogo.com.

I've got to wonder if this is what Felicia Day went through?

PS - A new series seeking distribution, Midnight Chronicles, starring FoG's Charles Hubbell has some very cool trailers up now.

Fear of Hymns

Sometimes the Revised Troll Version (RTV) of God's Word results in awkward hymns. But enthusiasm counts for something.

Wood Gnomes Fear Girls

The part about wood trolls is totally true.

Fear of Girls 3 Trailers

You may need major surgery.

After laughing so hard!

The Fear of Girls 3 trailer is engaging audiences around the county.



Tom Lommel, Scott Jorgenson and Charles Hubbell have reunited again, sort of like the James and Younger boys did in Northfield. Let's hope this adventure goes off just as splendidly! Perhaps pie will be served.

Truly, a milestone in Fantasy Gaming. For the first time in my life, my pants are diceless. Peew!

And, for you intrepid few (er, one) who has scrolled down this far, a wonderful demo of the game's character generation process.



(And yes, I meant "county.")

Fear of Girls 3 Wall Poster

Game on.

Okay, not so much a wall poster, and somewhat closer to a .jpg, but still. I haven't felt this way since I caught first glimpse in '77 of a bare-chested Luke and red carpet-ready Leia prepared for battle.*

Fear of Girls 3 is going to take the world by storm. It is the story of America. Told with dice. Through a retainer.

*and two fairly confused droids in the background.

Nothing to Fear but Fear of Girls 3

Fear of Girls 3 has entered post-production.* Tom Lommel, Scott Jorgenson and the versatile (and athletically lanky) Charles Hubbell reunite for a lonesome ride through the dark heart of nerdiness.

The powers that be say to expect release in August. Or so.

This episode is going to be the greatest one so far, just like all the third installments of American classics like Goldfinger, Army of Darkness, Naked Gun 33 1/3rd, The Godfather III, Superman III, Jaws 3-D and Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation.

I'll admit I haven't seen that last one, but, come on, it has the best of the Carradine brothers and Curtis Armstrong. Bob Younger and Herbert Viola? It can't miss.

*This is insider lingo which means, roughly, "I have no idea how movies are made, or the proper terminology necessary to fake it."

Scott Jorgenson Reigns Quietly Over Lap-Band Ad

I just caught one of my all-time favorite actors in the history of the galaxy last night at 2* in the morning on a commercial for Lap-Band adjustable gastric banding system.

In the brief, but moving, drama, Scott Jorgenson complains about his knees with Shakespearean acumen. It takes up about 2 or 3 seconds of screen time, but it haunts me still. Unfortunately, the good people at Lap-Band have only released their commercial at their proprietary site, so I'm unable to embed the performance here.

So go here and click on "View Our Commercial" to enjoy Mr. Jorgenson's riveting performance. Or to learn more about putting a remote-control tourniquet on your innards. Frankly, it sounds like a fun past time, but I don't think I'd like the side effect of wanting to eat less.

Scott Jorgenson: every man's everyman. Next up: Fear of Girls 3.

*This is my dilemma: I can sleep a full 3 hours every night, or I can strain arcane knowledge from the electronic underworld of the mid-night hours. How would you split the baby?

Starlet Watch: Viji Nathan Reigns Over Beer Ad

This weekend, I saw a Heineken commercial during the playoffs. Yeah, call the President. What made it special, though, was that the new commercial featured Viji Nathan about halfway through it. I know I don't have to tell you (i.e. me) who she iss, but just in case the internet is watching I'll mention her appearance on episodes 6 and 7 of The Guild as Zaboo's mom.

Look for her at about the 30 second mark.



FoG made me aware of Scott Jorgenson at which point I noticed him in the Qwest commercial. The Guild introduced me to Viji Nathan, at which point I noticed her in the Heineken commercial. Now, if McDonald's can just get Scott and Viji to collaborate, perhaps that will lead to the starring roles in the major motion picture adaptation of Cover Girl comics. Hollywood will usher in a new Golden Age.

Why I do this, please don't ask. I haven't an answer. I do know that Jorge Luis Borges once wrote that there is a kind of lazy pleasure in useless and out-of-the-way erudition. I'd add that there is a kind of useless pleasure in lazy and out-of-the-way visualization.

LommelWatch '08: Fear of Girls 3 in Pre-production!

One of my top 5* actors on the planet, Tom Lommel, has made it through contract negotiations with Dangerously Adorable Productions, and is slated to begin shooting on Fear of Girls III (Working Title: Dodecapocalypse) in June.

Huzzah!

To celebrate, I'll venture deep into the heart of my cavernous internet vault of rare, hard-to-find outtakes from the very first Fear of Girls. This deleted scene is a basic metaphor of the sometimes strained, but always hopeful, attempts by Christians and Druids to respectfully engage one another. Sometimes it takes a knife.



*The other four, of course, being Scott Jorgenson, Paul Giamatti, Felicia Day and Boris Karloff.

Hollywood Yesterday and (to)Day

Hollywood motion pictures and television have been taking a beating lately. Between the writer's strike, tanking ratings for the Oscars, drops in network ratings, the consolidation of media corporations and frankly, something of a boom in anti-audience (or perhaps postmodern "audience neutral") fare, on the surface, it seems as if Hollywood has come unglued from its former lifeblood: the paying customer. I'm not talking about cashflow, necessarily. I'm talking about relevance and warm bodies and pairs of eyes.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but many of those exceptions seem to come as a surprise to the industry. While the studios trumpet George Clooney (whom I love as Danny Ocean and Everett in O Brother) as the next Cary Grant, there are times when I'm not even sure he is as good as the last George Clooney.

There are still some stalwarts: Will Smith consistently delivers major blockbusters, and is incredibly smart about the non-major films he chooses. Tom Hanks has shifted a lot of focus to production of documentaries and historic dramas, but will still draw folks in from across the audience spectrum.

However, often the success of 300, of Tyler Perry films, of no-budget smashes like My Big Fat Greek Wedding (which, incidentally, wouldn't have gotten off the ground without Hanks' and Rita Wilson's bankrolling) and the The Passion of the Christ often come despite Hollywood's low expectations.

As budgets for films continue to bloat while receipts fall, there are legitimate complaints that Hollywood doesn't get it. I thought this the other day as I set foot in a Blockbuster for the first time in six months (and not to rent a movie. It was next door to the Papa Murphy's and I was waiting for a pizza. You don't think I keep my cinderblock-and-gristle figure on a diet of yams, do you?)

As I browsed the aisles, I noticed an awful lot of bloody axes, a bunch of obviously boring political movies, and one animated (you know, the kind that change depending on the angle you see it at) cover of a barfing zombie. Now, as a self respecting troll, I'm all about the barfing zombie: we use their natural projectile acid reflux as a household cleaner...but my type is a somewhat narrow demographic. And who wants to watch a movie about dirty bathrooms, anyhow?

Anyway, what I noticed even more than the cheap sequels of remakes of remakes, the talkfests, the hashbrown horror movies, and the really exhausting "sex" "comedies" was something more significant: an absence.

There wasn't a single cover of a DVD, not a single new release, that inspired me. No saber-wielding Luke, no steadfast Queen Gorgo, no dashing Indy, no Joan of Arc (no Joan Wilder, either), no Frodo, no Ripley, no Titanic, even. No heroes (heck, not even any anti-heroes!), no complicated women, no orignial concepts.

Just zombie barf and the impossibly long legs of presumably topless girls.

So Hollywood has fallen, yes?

I'm not so sure.

Even as an atheist, I knew Moses. Sure, he looked a lot like Charlton Heston, and with his passing I am reminded of how one talented bloke can take a run-of-the-mill "cast of thousands" bible epic and create a deep and meaningful story - one that might even contribute in some small way to a viewer's transformation.

Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs proved that a trio of septagenarian lifelong actors can together contribute a critical component to the depth and storytelling of a movie like A Night at the Museum.

The half-mad and oft-scorned Orson Welles single-handedly challenged the Hollywood mindset to get great work (like Touch of Evil) to an audience. Sure he paid dearly for his ambition/arrogance, but you can't argue with the resulting masterworks. He wasn't the only one to do it either.

Heck, even the late great Colleen Moore proved you can change things with the right haircut, (or change a child's life with the right dollhouse.)

So I know it can be done. The question is: is it?

I think yes, but not necessarily where we expect it, and probably not always from the people we expect.

For one, the John Adams mini-series airing right now on HBO is the greatest mini-series in the history of the world. Paul Giamatti vanishes as the lead role into the perfectly constructed world of Colonial and Revolutionary America.

For two, one of my favorite short film series, as you well know, is Fear of Girls, starring Scott Jorgenson and Tom Lommel. This has been produced and made free for consumption by obsessive little monsters like myself.

For three, I do think that there is some good old-fashioned, un-"ironic" (although i notice that the cool "irony" kids these days, like Fezzini's ignorant use of "inconceivable" in Princess Bride, are unaware of what "irony" really means. Which would be ironic if that's what ironic meant. Which it doesn't.) entertainment available on television and in theaters. Yes, I said it. There are still good movies and good t.v. shows to be found. Perhaps nothing attaining the greatness of Candleshoe or Quincy, M.E. respectively, but, we just need to deal with the fact that God needed those blessed diversions more than we did. I believe St. Augustine wrote about this in City of God.

For four, there are strange, geeky talents like Wil Wheaton who have somehow developed into some sort of income-generating single-employee metaentertainment megacorporation.

But probably the best example for what I see as the new rise of Hollywood is The Guild and its writer and co-producer Felicia Day. It may not be the first to have done it, nor the most widely known - but this is an ongoing short webisode series that knows its target audience (and, importantly, doesn't insult them) and operates on donations. Right now, the actors are doing it for free, hoping to raise enough money to keep things going. You know, kind of like Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland, putting on a show. And, despite all the challenges they faced, it worked for Rooney and Garland every time. Although life is less certain than the movies, The Guild has won numerous awards, and seems to have a growing fan base, and, one can hope, a donor base to match.

Performing for the people, and asking for our pennies.

That, my (imaginary) friend, is Hollywood.

James Cagney, Bette Davis, Lauren Bacall, Clark Gable, Anthony Perkins, Ann Margaret, Boris Karloff, Christopher Walken, Kathleen Turner, Orson Welles, Katharine Hepburn, Danny Kaye, Sally Field, Faye Dunaway...

...and Felicia Day?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Scott Jorgenson Update: Lommel Breaks His Silence!

I don't know if you've seen the latest issue of People (I haven't, but I'm sure it is a cover story) but world-famous actor and faucet blogger Tom Lommel has finally called off his silent feud with Fear of Girls co-star Scott Jorgenson. This should allow for pre-production to go ahead on Fear of Girls 3. [working title: FoG3 - d20 Revolutions]

Whew.

Scott Jorgenson Strikes Back Again...and Begins

Since I've officially declared myself the world headquarters of all things Scott Jorgenson, I would be remiss if I did not make you (that, is, me) aware of the new release of Fear of Girls 2.

If you've somehow missed Fear of Girls 1, you a) need to start living under a rock and b) should watch that one first. Because 1 comes before 2, except for the occasional 8-section puzzle inversion.

The second one, sadly, lacks the element of Christian parody that I loved so much in the first, but it makes up for it with a bunch of socially inappropriate gender issues.

Charles Hubbell (who played Doug Doug's older brother in the first, and portrayed the believer) is sadly absent, but I guess that keeps him from splitting the screen with eye-candy Tom Lommel.

In fact, Tom semi-personally (that is, not at all personally) asked me to send the link to FoG2 to all my friends. I have none, so I'm instead sending them to myself, via this posting. You can thank me (you) later.

FoG1
FoG2
FoG Universe at YouTube

Scott Jorgenson Dominates Planet (Mine)

Scott Jorgenson has achieved world domination.

First, the guy co-stars in the 2nd* greatest short film in world history: "Fear of Girls"

In FoG, he played Raymond Ractburger, a lovelorn hardcore gamer. FoG also features my favorite representation of Christians on film. I know I'm supposed to be offended by their awkward, judgmental portrayal, but the fact is that if it wasn't for awkward, judgmental Christians who cared enough about the weird little atheist that I was to share the gospel with me, God knows where I might be today. No, literally, God knows, and I'm pretty sure He's wiping his brow in relief over the few who took his message seriously enough to try to beat me over the head with it.

Anyhow, back to the issue of infinitely greater import than my salvation: Scott Jorgenson's film career.

This guy has already achieved greatness. Raymond Ractburger, pining for his unwitting Leia...his Arwen...his Shakura!...Ractburger is an American everyman, iconic, the Tom Joad of the X Generation, if you will.

But yesterday...I witnessed the great Jorgenson achieving new heights. You probably don't know this (okay, yes you do, because you are "me") but I work in the telecommunications industry. One of my all-time favorite novels is Harry Newton's 973-page Telecom Dictionary. (Bonus: My favorite entry is the hotly debated "octathorpe" AKA octothorpe, octotherp, octothorp.)

I don't work for Qwest by any stretch of the imagination, but I love to see my industry strive for greatness, even it it is in the form of a competitor. Qwest did such a thing.

For their latest ad, they hired Jorgenson. He's hilarious in a silent role.

Good show, Qwest. Good show.

Now learn how to spell. Your company name reads like a breakfast cereal.

*The #1 Slot going, of course, to Tater, Tomater.