Fear of Girls: FoG of IGN

Oh, jeez. I'm pretty sure this post title just summoned Cthulhu.

If not, enjoy the new Fear of Girls Channel at IGN.

If it did, uh, sorry for the apocalypse.

2009 Heisman Candidate Lovecraftian Nickname Awards

Held annually on the campus of Miskatonic University, the Lovecraftian Nickname Selection Committee goes through an arduous and painstaking (as well as pain-staking, if necessary) process to determine who, among the Heisman finalists, is worthy of a prestigious Eldritch(tm) Nickname.

The time of waiting has come to a close. This years selections include:

Tim "Yith" Tebow - Because he's not of this world.

Colt "Automatic" McCoy - Because all fled--all done, so lift me on the pyre--The Feast is over, and the lamps expire.

Toby "Jugg" Gerhart - Because he haunts Notre Dame to this day.

Mark "John Henry" Ingram - not just because he can hoist a jack, but, more importantly he set history to right.

Honorable mention: Dez "Danvers" Bryant - Because I’ve heard personally of more’n one business or government man that’s disappeared there.

And finally, our top vote-getter:

Ndamukong "Necronomicon" Suh - Because if he gets a read, you're dead.

The Sheer Genius of Sheared Gnus

The difference between "sheared" and "shorn" is subtly insane. A sheep is sheared. A man's hair is shorn.

The shorn locks fall to the floor.
The sheared wool falls to the floor.

Unless the locks are sheer, in which the sheer, shorn locks fall to the floor. If the wool is sheer, it is still sheared, for sure.

Don't get me started on shoeshine from Poland, because if I dab Polish polish onto sheer sheared wool and streak it through my sheer, shorn hair, call the police, unless they are Polish. They'll polish me off.

Hey! What about the gnu? Not much, what's gnu with you?

Note: When teaching English as a second language, I recommend saving this lesson for last.

Inventor of the Catapult

Dionysus the Elder of Syracuse is most frequently cited as the inventor of the stone-hurling catapult, circa 400 B.C.

I wonder what King Uzziah of Judah (circa 770 B.C.) would have to say about that?

Going Deep In Strange Places

He reveals deep and hidden things. He knows what is in the darkness, and light resides with him.

Never Mind the Truth, Here's the Sex Pistols

"Never mind" is a retort perfected in the lie mines of hell for this present age. The moment a lie is exposed, it can be easily veiled in a thick coat of "outdated anyway," and replaced with a shiny new untruth.

If you believe in progress, if you believe in the evolution of ideas, in the importance of taste, you may have swallowed poison in your time. If you have, you may have reached for "never mind" instead of an antidote.

Who Quotes the Watchmen? Quiz!

I doubt you've heard it, but there is a little internet rumor that a Watchmen movie might be coming out someday.

Test your Watchmen IQ with some important quotes:

"We can do so much more. We can save this world... with the right leadership."

"If you’ve got really smart people who are all focused on the same mission, then usually you can get some things done."

"The only person with whom I felt any kinship with died three hundred years before the birth of Christ. Alexander of Macedonia, or Alexander the Great, as you know him."

"I saw east and west, locked into an escalating arms spiral, their mutual terror and suspicion mounting with the missiles, making the possibility of disarmament progressively more remote."


"This is the moment when we must come together to save this planet. Let us resolve that we will not leave our children a world where the oceans rise and famine spreads and terrible storms devastate our lands."



"The brutal world he'd relished would simply cease to be, its fierce and brawling denizens rushing to join the mastodon in obsolescence... in extinction."


The Quiz Question:

Are these quotes from the mouth of Ozymandias or from President Obama*?


Here's a hint:


They were all spoken by a comic book character.


















One more quote:


"It doesn't take a genius to see the world has problems."


Unlike Obama, Ozymandias had a Comedian who tried to contradict him once:

"No, but it takes a room full of morons to think they're small enough for them to handle."







*Apologies for the rare dip into human politics. You know I care very little for the petty management affairs of men. I'm far, far more interested in what your literature has to say about your culture and your leaders. Of course, I'm the only one, troll or human, I've ever met who actually found the ending of the Watchmen graphic novel to be upbeat and inspiring.

Tracking Shot Lip Synch for Grace Kelly

If you've ever read Ussher's Annals of the World, or for that matter, the Holy Bible, you would understand why I love tracking shots.

I see all of creation, from the beginning of time to its inevitable end, as one complex and thrilling tracking shot. Whether it is the opening scene of A Touch of Evil or the one take fight scene from The Protector, good tracking shots make bold statements.

I love what the gang from TCU has done with Mika's Grace Kelly.

Asterisks Illuminate the Night

The asterisk* is the forefather of the hyperlink.

*From the Latin "asteriscum," meaning "little star" -- which happens to be a term which describes how I like to view myself** in God's kingdom. Keep in mind, I'm generally delusional.

**Which may also explain my fondness*** for asterisks.

***And my general dismissal of Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions.

Making of Fear of Girls

Finally, at The Microscopic Life with Terry Pounds, a documentary that gets behind the scenes of the world-renowned Fear of Girls.

There is one question that isn't addressed in this otherwise stellar film: how can views be better measured in a web environment that has become more multi-channel? In 2005, a viral video on youtube was likely to be hit, viewed and measured on youtube, at one portal. In 2009, users proliferate copies and embed (often uncounted - the embed play counter of youtube leaves a lot to be desired) videos at a much higher rate so that a video's "virality" requires a more complex measurement.

Nevertheless, a fascinating study of the art, business and love of making great films. And it is so great to see Lommel and Jorgenson out of character and in regular joe movie star mode.